Half- A%#???

My mom used to tell me when I was younger that I would do things, (please excuse my french brothers and sisters), "half-a$$". When I cleaned my room, she said it, when I washed the dishes, she said it, and any type of chore or task, she said it. Sometimes I would agree and sometimes I wouldn't. I noticed today that I carry this same action in some of my responsibilities today, or at least I THINK I do.

I am a wife now, and I know by far, I am not the perfect wife. I ask my husband to be a little patient with me, and sometimes, it seems as though that he is, and sometimes he isnt. After working 8 hours a day, sitting 45 minutes on the metro, going home, dealing with a dog, fulfilling my church responsibilities, school, etc, etc, yes, I get tired-and sometimes lazy. I don't always feel like cooking and cleaning and washing clothes. I love to cook and CAN cook, but I've never been Mrs. Homemaker and sometimes don't keep the house as tidy as my husband would like me to. I REALLY have to be in a cleaning mode which happens maybe once a month.

I feel like my husband thinks kind of like my mom, like I do things "half-(you know what). He comments on my lack of prayer, reading, studying and lack of taking care of the house. He made a few comments to me yesterday that really had me to start to think about this stuff. Some I agreed with and some I didnt. It just made me think: Am I half-(you know what) in my walk with Christ, the things I do for God and the church, and as a wife? Don't get me wrong, this is not me bashing my husband- but it made me think about a lot. I want to be better all around, that's all and maybe it's God using my husband to get me there. I don't know, we will see.......

What are you trying to do God?

Ok bloggers-

So, I realize that there are hundreds of thousands of people out there who are suffering, struggling, laid off, homes foreclosed, etc. I am truly thankful to God for having a job, but what is he trying to do?

I just left my previous company that I've been with for 2 1/2 years. My position was Office Coordinator, but I had a LOT on my plate. That title also included me answering phones, serving as my boss's Administrative assistant, managing the office, IT, vendors, supplies...and the list goes on and on and on. I wasn't valued and I felt like I was ignored when I asked for a growth opportunity in the organiztion and relief in some areas so my concentration can be more on what my job required the most-office management. So after 2 1/2 years, it was time for me to move on.

I have been wanting something in the government for a while now, so I figured I would start under a government contract. I've been here for a week now, and I'm like....umm, ok. I mean, I knew the government would be different, but I am just now getting my computer, I have no phone, no free coffee or water...LOL... and I feel like people are already trying to breathe down my neck. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. Maybe I just need to get used to it, that's all.

But I'm wondering- God what are you trying to do. Why am I working this 9 to 5 stuff, working for ungrateful people (some of them), and remaining unhappy when I have so many talents and gifts I can work from. And if I don't like this 9 to 5 stuff, why am I getting my degree in Business Administration? Is it to prepare me to start my own business??? God's plan is confusing sometimes, but I will continue to wait on Him.

Here are my interests: Music, singing, youth, make-up, shopping, eating- I love to sing and I teach music. I love young people. I love make-up and putting make-up on and now starting to put make-up on others and I love to shop and eat. Is God making provisions for me to explore these hobbies and make them careers? Am I not seeing the signs? I know one thing! I need to get in His face and His Word and study and actively seek what his plans are for me. Because I can't continue to be unhappy. I mean, don't get me wrong, while I am on these jobs, I guarantee that I will work the best to my ability, do my work and obey my superiors because I understand God's commandments in the place of employment.

I love you God. Continue to pour into me and show me the ways to go in this life.

I need this

I need this blogspot. There are lots of things on my mind, in my spirit, on my heart that I would like to share wtih those of you out there. Things that I talk to God about, but I may not talk to my husband, family or friends about. Sometimes, I just want to put things out there and say things that others are afraid to say. Things about myself and others-without being judgemental but allowing God to use me.

Those of you in blogspot land, I don't know about you, but God is definitely trying to get my attention about something. People may look at me and say- Wow! You have so much going for you- wonderful husband, beautiful home, a somewhat decent job, talents- but do you know what I go through? Do you know how the enemy loves to attack my mind and point out my flaws and insecurities? All this, while still trying to live for Christ, do His will and help and encourage others along the way. I'm going to enjoy this period in my life of spiritual growth and eager to see what God has in store for me!