I'm back!!!

Hey bloggers! I know it has been a MINUTE. So much has happened and I haven't been motivated to write. But I am here now and ready to share some thoughts.

Well, since I have last spoken to you, unfortunately, I lost my job; a job that I was on for only 3 weeks. The job I had before that, I was on for 2.5 years. But this last position was a government contractor position. I was soooooooo excited about getting something closer in the government. I just knew there would be growth potential. When I first got there, I had no desk, no phone, no email, no computer and NO work. For the first 3 weeks or so, I would sit and do nothing, file things every now and then, beg for work and contacting my out of town supervisor for something to do. I felt an awkward spirit upon my arrival there but decided to just make sure I stay in total prayer during my time there. Some people were nice, and most didnt speak or acknowledge you at all. On my last day there, I was given a task that was unorganized, last minute, with no equipment working properly and lots of pressure from folks that it kind of got the best of me. I had a panic attack when the deadline came because the task wasn't done because of things beyond my control. Well, the ambulance had to come and get me and take me to the hospital and I guess the job didn't like that too much. So, the next morning, my contractor told me that the government folks didnt want me to come back.

So, here I am. Looking for a job, working hard in school, perfecting my gifts and striving to get a little closer to God and live out my purpose. I decide to take a chance and make some more moves in my life.

I tried out for Sunday's Best, which is pretty much the gospel music version of American Idol. I told myself, hey what do I have to lose? I'm not working and if I have to go away for a little while, so be it! Well, my best friend, Cookie went and tried out with me too. Unfortunately, she didnt make it through the first round, which is bogus because I think she has an AMAZING voice. I made it through the first and second round that day. They informed us that the following morning, we will be auditioning with Mary Mary and BeBe Winans. I was sooooo excited. I called my Pastor and he prayed for me, I missed church on Sunday and everything!. So that Sunday morning, my husband went with me. They surprised us with one more round before BeBe and Mary Mary. This round was with the show's producers. One of the producers told us that even if Mary Mary and BeBe says yes, that still doesn't mean that we will get picked. It's up to the producers who makes the FINAL decision. They pick people who are different and has a story. I was like ooookkkk, well, I really don't have 5 kids with my babys daddys in jail and I'm working in a strip club to pay the bills, so maybe my chances are slim.
So, I was shocked that I made it through that, after seeing 2 of DC's heavy hitters who got turned down by the producers! SO, it was finally time to audition with the main judges, MMB. I got in front og the camera in front of MMB and sang Yes, Jesus Loves me. This was a song on the required list. I didnt do a bunch of screaming or ripping and running, as I was told this wasn't what they were looking for. I sang it Angela's way. Well, BeBe said, nice voice, but I don't think you're what we're looking for, 1st Mary said, I pushed too hard and 2nd Mary said I was too abrasive. So, I said thank you and quietly walked off.
I was a little crushed, embarassed--they let a lot of people go through before me. I think I'm a little embarrassed because I still may be on television. But what God has for me is for me.

Throughout those 2 days, I saw a lot of commercialism with Sunday's Best. And no I am not saying this because I was turned down, but it's the truth. Lots of things were done for entertainment and camera purposes. It was almost like American Idol.
I love to sing for God, but when it comes to being "famous" sometimes I get away from that because I don't ever want to change. I don't want to limit God in what he has for me, however, I never want to conform to the ways of this world by participating in the commercialism of Christianity. I'm almost confident to say that I can cut my album just to bless someone, continue to sing praise and worship and direct the choir in my church. God, I am not limiting you, but do I want to be famous? Do I want to be one of the ones they call hypocrites? I've heard stories about gospel artists and how mean, nasty and arrogant some of them can be. And not to mention the obvious trend of homosexuality in the gospel industry. Do I really want to be apart of that?

I'm asking God to dwell in my life and do what he has to do to let His will be done.
In spite of all that I've gone through and still going through, God, I love you and I trust you.

So, until next time bloggers, God bless.